In principle, there is only very little that is within our control.
The ability to walk doesn’t guarantee that one never falls. The ability to be kind and empathic will be welcome every day, and yet there will still be moments in which other people don’t perceive our behavior as kind. When music is being recorded, there usually is some correction happening to make sure the piece sounds as perfect as possible. And thus, maybe remains less engaging than a live concert.
There is no guarantee that results will match expectations. And yet, we expect that others will follow our projects or our persuasion skills.
And when it happens it’s called leadership, relationship, or friendship. When it doesn’t happen, it’s perceived as a failure or something that should have happened.
When it doesn’t happen, emotions or values are called upon. They will be called disappointment, lack of respect, desire for care, a sense of unfairness, etc. The list is probably endless.
All of them are relevant for the person experiencing them. There is nothing wrong with having such a reaction.
The point, however, is that the other person might have a different position and perception of the situation. As long as this difference exists, there is no shared evaluation of the situation.
Things simply are.
The only thing that is within our control is how we react to our perception of the situation.
If we choose to verify it with the other, there is a chance that what was in our control transforms itself into something both control together.
But it doesn’t change what’s within our control.