An individual’s sense of safety is the result of that person’s subjective experience of the situation they are in.

It helps to remember, that others know nothing of one’s own subjective experience and that we know nothing of the other person’s subjective experience.

The only information available to us is what others share and the hypotheses we can build on this information. What is being shared is more than words. It is more than the way it is shared, the body language, the tone of voice and rhythm, the gestures, and the facial expressions. It also involves our own reactions, feelings, and sensations. This involves paying full attention to how much of our experience results from the situation itself and how much from our experience.

Remembering that we know nothing of the other person’s subjective experience, is what helps us to freely explore that person’s experience and distinguish it from ours. Not by looking for the differences, or by looking for confirmations but by listening intently to the ways they are using to describe their experience.

It is the discomfort of sharing that one doesn’t feel ok or of sharing what it is that makes a situation uncomfortable that makes an exploration helpful.

To the one asking, and just as much to the one being asked.

Knowing nothing helps to overcome the discomfort both would prefer to avoid.

Not knowing anything also serves the purpose to show respect and let the other be the full representative of himself.