All of us regularly encounter inner dialogues.

Sometimes they are useful, most of them are not.

It depends on the purpose given to this inner dialogue. In principle, it is there to release the tension between the world people expected and the reality they found.

When things work out well, one of the participants of that inner dialogue will check in with the reality found and compare it with the others and the situation experienced. If he sees resemblances with past experiences he will look for the differences between that old experience and what is happening in the current situation.

That only happens, if that participant has a voice. If it has been trained to have a voice.

The faster we lead out lives, the more probable it is, that this voice won’t become audible.

It’s because of the other participants in the inner dialogue, those who point out how bad that past experience was. How these past situations felt dangerous and caused rejection, shame, or other dreaded feelings. How such an experience shouldn’t repeat itself. Their voices are quicker and louder than any reflective voice.

There is nothing bad about these participants in the inner dialogue. All they want to do is help.

Their methods might not be the best though as they focus on blame. They remind us, that it’s either the situation, the other, or oneself who is to be blamed. And as they don’t take the time to look at the current situation they cannot see when that blame is not relevant anymore.

They have opened the stage for new participants in the inner dialogue. Participants who step in to deal with the found blame and what it implies. It can become the longest part of the inner dialogue, that’s because ruminating mostly runs in circles.