When exchanging with others an assumption often is, that one is understood exactly as one means it.

People will make efforts to ease the communication, but most often these efforts involve explaining the context or the reason for their communication. There might also be efforts to explain the details of the subject if one is not sure that the person is familiar with it. The goals I’ll hear most often is to clarify the facts as much as needed and to find ways to make it resonate.

Once the information is shared they people assume that things have been very clear.

It may even be so.

The real question is not if both have a clear view of what has been shared. The real question is if the communication established a shared understanding.

When something is clear to us, it simply means that we have been able to give meaning to what has been said.

If I invite you to imagine a star, what have you seen? Was it a star in space, a famous person, or an object?

When we hear something we imagine it. And we imagine it with what we have at hand or in mind. This very thing we imagined is what we need to share to create a shared understanding. Our first goal in communication is to help others see what we see. Then we may think about making them feel what we feel.

Having it clear for ourselves is a good start. It’s what allows us to describe it.

It helps to take every hint that the understanding is not shared as feedback. It tells us that we might not be clear enough ourselves either. That there is more work to do to help us see.