When making a decision there are two moments to involve others. One is while making the decision. Another is once the decision is taken.
There are some situations in which one of both approaches will be the preferred one. Which one we’ll choose will depend on how much we need and want to onboard the other. It’s a consequence of the type of relationship we want to have.
The question to ask oneself here is, if and how the decision will impact the other.
But that’s not what one can act upon. It’s out of our reach. That’s in the other person’s responsibility and control.
With any decision we’ve made, what we can act upon is our own accountability within the relationship. That’s what happens when we create space for reactions and make ourselves available to them.
Easier said than done.
It’s the very moment in which both can decide to engage in a real conversation. It’s one that is based on an ok-ness to have an intimate conversation, one that allows for vulnerability and requires a sense of safety to freely engage.
When things start to touch us where we are more vulnerable than we thought, we lose this sense of safety and our reactions start to become automatic again. We’ve left our decision to have a real conversation and shifted into a game. We find ourselves in a conversation we’ve already had many times over. The only thing that feels satisfying is, that we could have predicted the end. It doesn’t prevent a sense of unease we know well to be present too.
Easier said than done. Still worth trying. It takes time.
Take a break when you start to recognize the conversation.