She had received news, that her cancer might be reappearing. Asked how she feels her reaction was something between astonishment and matter of fact: “I’m aware of the problem and can’t do anything against it.”
Leaving feelings aside she had shared a clear assessment of reality. At this given moment there is nothing to do, she’s already doing everything possible and needed.
And yet there is something she could do but struggles with: connect with her feelings. In an effort to deal with her situation, she’s chosen the route to be disciplined, to be strong and avoid any occasion to become a victim.
It’s a solution that served her well for years. Where things become complicated is when the situation she’s in becomes uncomfortable. In these situations, emotions are triggered. It’s something very confusing that happens. Awareness only notices confusion and something disagreeable. It can’t be contained. Awareness doesn’t quite know what to do and lets it pass to get rid of it.
Whatever happens, is out of awareness. It can only be seen retrospectively. Chances are that seeing the results she becomes a victim of these situations.
When they are out of awareness, emotions tend to take the lead and drive us.
The way out is to learn to become aware of our emotions. To learn to sense and distinguish them.
Sounds easy. Isn’t easily done.