Yesterday a friend called. We had talked recently, but it had been a while since we actually connected. Yesterday we took the time to exchange our respective ideas and to be curious about one another. That made all the difference.
It transformed the atmosphere to one where listening leads to hearing each other.
In regular conversations we often are in some kind of hurry, it’s one of being concentrated on achieving a result, may it be to be heard, to persuade the other or to fulfill a task. It works by searching for the right arguments when the other is talking, to think about what is being said while it is being said or to push to move forward.
In this conversation we had changed things by caring about the relationship, we were taking the time and creating space for both. It cannot be measured in talking time or words said. It actually cannot be measured in a way allowing to compare the individual outcome. It can only be felt by sensing the existence of a shared feeling. It’s a feeling that can never be recreated as it is building an experience. And just like any experience, the one of being connected is subject to a constant transformation.
There is a constant though, it’s caring for the relationship. It’s a care that builds on seeing the other, oneself and the context. It’s a care that creates the relationship and seeks to contribute to it.