When people try to get what they want, you’ll often notice that their focus is on themselves and what they want.
In these situations, you’ll often notice that people focusing on themselves and their need cannot see what the other might need or want.
When asking for something, they’ll ask their question in such a way that the other feels pressed to answer in a specific way or that no one feels responsible for the answer. The way the question is put forward seeks to avoid any dependence on the person’s answer.
Another approach is to make a statement of what one will do or what should be done. In this case, the person is pushing and seeking to create the impression of having the power to do as they want.
Both approaches use a different entrance to a power game. It’s done by searching for ways to avoid depending on the other or by creating the impression of having the power to do as they want.
Both lead to push backs. Neither establishes collaboration.
In fact, in neither case the person shared what they want nor how important what they want is to them.
To be able to share what they want would have meant to take a position describing what it is that they look for and want.
Instead, in making a statement they’ve shared what they will do. And in asking a question they’ve shared what action the other should agree to.
It’s confusing the action with what it is for.
The deeper fear is, that our desire might not be welcomed by the other.
Instead of taking the risk to share people hide their desire.
Once the desire is hidden it becomes challenging to share how important that desire is and even more so how the other could contribute to it.
Working together and helping one another is based on people being willing to be vulnerable.
It happens when people are willing to take a risk.