The whole and its parts

The whole & its parts

You might not be helping after all

People like to help others. But what people often don’t like to do, is to discuss the help. Neither the one they look for nor the one they want to give.

For some reason, people are shy about it. Asking for help or verifying if the help suggested works for the other person bears the risk to uncover differences. Whenever this happens, people might find themselves stopped in their movement. They may find themselves experiencing a sense of rejection or a sense of unease to have to say no.

That there is a risk in not verifying remains hidden. This is supported by the fact that in many cases not asking doesn’t seem to have consequences. At least not visibly. Most often it is even overlooked that the possibility to ask exists.

By avoiding the exchange about the help they want to provide, these people also miss out on the information if the help is the one others need, look for, and would accept.

These people rightfully trust themselves and their experience. However, by not asking they also assume that they know what will help the other. By stepping forward and starting to help the other according to their idea, they’ve decided for the other.-

If the help is welcome, everything may happen smoothly.

If the help isn’t the one needed, resistance appears. Sometimes immediately and forcefully, sometimes slowly and almost invisibly. The only thing visible is that nothing is happening.

It ends up with both involved being disappointed.

In the other.

It’s maybe easier to be disappointed with not being able to help than to experience one’s help as not wanted.

It also isn’t a very effective way to help.


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