Sometimes people can’t distinguish between a demand and something that is desired. As perception is just as important in communication as what is being said, the difficulty in distinguishing between demand and desire is as relevant for the person asking as for the person reacting.

Whenever someone wants something there is the potential for power to appear. It’s because wanting something creates the possibility that the relationship is perceived from a point of view of status or authority.

It’s even more so when the want appears as a demand. Emitting a demand is a way to seek or test one’s authority. Perceiving something as a demand, on the other hand, is a way to give authority to the other person, or to give up one’s authority.

Saying yes to a demand will be experienced as following an obligation. Whereas saying no to it may come along with the anxiety that it might disrupt the relationship. In both cases, the person reacting can only do it through a sense of their limitation.

For leaders, this is always a point of attention. Their position means that they are automatically perceived through their role and authority. Whenever they miss this, they may lack the opportunity to receive thoughtful responses allowing them to revisit how their want supports the shared objective.