Judith is a client I’ve had the pleasure to observe a few times in her environment. She’s leading her team wisely and is very engaged in supporting everyone. One of her desires is to contribute to nurturing mutual trust.

The team is open, and very much willing to be transparent about a variety of issues and they are excellent professionals. However, they also resist sharing how they feel about a variety of issues that seem to be touchy for the team. They focus on getting the job done and rarely express their pleasure about working together and achieving good results together. They also avoid sharing the anxieties they experience concerning their ability to get the job done.

As long as things work well, the team is working diligently. But shifting gears with their product invites strong reactions and the desire to stay on the existing track.

These are situations in which Judith seeks to create a space in which the team can be vulnerable and also talk about themselves. In her effort to be vulnerable, Judith easily goes beyond vulnerability. She either starts to describe herself as less worthy or less competent. Or she starts to talk about her weaknesses describing how they have been in her way.

To help her shift her experience we went into the lighter emotions. Emotions that still can be hard to accept. We had one of her team members share with her what they respect her for. None of the things she had described appeared in that description. However, for Judith it was a moment of vulnerability as she stepped into listening, letting herself be touched as much as possible by the sharing.

Vulnerability has nothing to do with weakness. While people who step into vulnerability may share dark and difficult feelings, they are not expressing a weakness, they are expressing what they feel.

Being vulnerable is very much about connecting with our feelings and being aware enough of them to be able to share them. It is more, it also involves the uncertainty of not knowing what the sharing will lead to and the risk that others might misunderstand, misuse what has been shared, or judge the person who shared.

This easily happens as sharing also touches everyone else’s vulnerability and desire to run away from uncomfortable emotions.