Sometimes I meet teams that are focused on being friendly to one another. They will work hard at avoiding anything that could feel like aggression toward others. In their desire to care for others, they might also try to protect others from anything that could be close to aggression and step in to explain how good or nice that person is. With such protection, the person might feel cared for and appreciate the friendly atmosphere in which there doesn’t seem to be a need to step up and protect himself or his ideas.

Usually, these are also teams in which authority is avoided. It is perceived as potentially aggressive and thus the team tries to come to what seems to be more democratic decisions.

At first sight, there is no problem with such a setting.

However, over time, these teams develop a sense of depending on one another as well as on external forces. They develop a lack of self-confidence when it comes to standing up to their individual needs or their team’s needs. They look for some outside protection and cherish the sense of community.

Over time, they have become afraid of being seen as aggressive believing that aggression is always bad.

However, it also meant that they confused assertiveness with aggressivity.

And that is where there can be a problem. Such a team will find it hard to establish accountability towards one another. They will avoid standing up for their ideas if it may take away something from others. And they end up with a long list of compromises that are confused with thoroughly discussed decisions.

Consequently, such a team is also at risk of feeling undervalued. There is little space for recognition when the focus is on being a friendly community of equals.