When asking people what they want, they’ll easily answer with the things they don’t want anymore.

Similarly, when they see some behavior they don’t like, they’ll find it easy to ask the person to stop doing what they do.

What they’ll find hard to do is describe what they want the person to do instead.

And that’s exactly the problem the person has when they receive the instruction to stop doing what they are doing. They don’t know what they are expected to do instead.

People have a complex idea in mind of behavior that is acceptable to them, but they rarely can translate it into words. They also find it hard to describe what it is in the behavior they don’t like; they only have a sense of discomfort they find difficult to put into words.

It takes work and attention for the other to reflect on the problem one has with their behavior. It means to be able to put into words what it is we want.

The easier approach is to tell others to stop what they are doing and leave aside that they might not be able to implement it.