There are at least two ways to steer a conversation.

One is the steering that is being done to persuade the other participants in the conversation. Such steering has a content-related objective. The participants who take up leadership in the exchange will try to win an argument or to reach their objectives.

A different form of steering relates to the process. There, the steering doesn’t have any content objective. It is there to enable a process that serves the group to keep a predefined context within which the conversation is to be handled. Such a context can be the idea of having an open conversation, brainstorming, having a debate, exploring a subject together, etc.

It’s a choice. One that requires remaining aware of how one contributes to the conversation and how it serves the objective of the conversation.

The default situation is that people find themselves arguing with one another. Often, they realized at the end of the conversation that they were not talking about the same thing or hadn’t been aligned with their individual objectives.

Interestingly, arguing often fits well with the fight or flight reaction people experience when they sense danger. To some extent, there is a very stimulating energy in such situations.