When giving other people feedback people will sometimes find themselves confronted with incredulous looks. It naturally happens when people don’t find themselves well represented by the feedback.

As a colleague and I worked on a few debriefs we noticed a pattern. People found it hard to perceive how the debrief they received could match their perception of themselves.

Their self-awareness didn’t allow for a view on the long-term patterns of their own behavior.

Their behavior had become so habitual that they didn’t question its effect on others or themselves. Instead, they focused on their intentions, as if these were comparable to their behavior. It is a confusion people can experience when they stick with intentions without relating them to outcomes.

Intentions become what people hold on to on their journey to, what feels to them, a better world or situation.

There is no doubt, that intentions are important as they are a part of our daily attitude and contribute to the way people act throughout the day. But without a clear connection between the intention and the outcome, people fail to notice that the outcome they hoped for arrived.

Seeing oneself includes seeing and accepting the outcomes.

Developing oneself is another step, but it starts with seeing oneself.