Our ability to see ourselves as different from others is crucial in our search for independence. However, our independence is limited by our desire to experience similarity with others and thus have the hope of dependable others.

Our membership in a group, our being as social beings requires that we develop the ability to switch from independence to dependence and vice versa.

We can’t be only independent or dependent.

It is the mix of the two that enables a sense of ease with our individuality and a sense of belonging to a larger group. As we mature, we develop interdependence with the groups we belong to as well as our autonomy as individual in these groups.

We can’t experience independence without dependence or vice versa.

The role independence plays in this is that it lets us have our tastes, beliefs, and opinions. To know that they are ours only, we need to know that others have different ones. Dependence allows us to notice where we don’t have any control over the situation, as well as the help we can receive and need from others.

Autonomy is what allows us to develop a critical mind based on the interdependence we allow to exist with others and the differences with them we want to keep. We can’t achieve it without being independent within the dependence we have to a broader context and without acknowledging how dependent we are on others when dealing with the details of everyday life.

But maybe, independence is nevertheless possible.

It can happen for the moments of dependence that become experiences of gratefulness.