The customer who shows up to complain.

The co-worker who tells you how to do your work.

The frustrated friend telling you how awful things are.

They come to you in the hope that you can help them fix a problem they experience. They may even tell you, that it’s your fault and that you have to solve it. And it will feel personal.

But it’s not about you.

It’s about their challenge to solve a situation they are in. One in which you are involved.

What they find hard to do, is to express what they want.

It’s possible that they don’t know themselves.

What they do is push the problem away. They try to give you the problem in the hope that you will solve it for them.

And they have a good reason to come to you. You’ve been involved and contributed to the situation.

It’s still up to you to decide how you engage in the situation.

It helps to know what it’s about. That might be where you can start.