Going back to a lecture I attended some 8 years ago I was reminded of a few characteristics I have. Manfred Kets de Vries described them as the “elephant” in us.
I’m a narcissist, meaning that I see myself through rose-colored glasses. This doesn’t imply that I’ll only see myself better than I am, it’s just that I see myself in a light that is favorable to keeping the way I show up.
I’m somewhat paranoid. There is always some pessimism around. It serves me while dealing with whatever anxiety I’ll be experiencing.
I’m into tit for tat or zero-sum-games. There are these days, where reciprocity has that effect.
Last but not least, I’m lazy. That’s the part I’m using to resist change, especially on the days when there is too much of it.
The nice thing about this list is, that it also tells me, that I’m a human being. And the more I remind myself of these characteristics, the more I find myself able to observe them. It’s the moment in time when I become aware of the choice I have.
Using these characteristics there are days when it makes sense to be self-assertive and carefully analyze alternatives. And yes, sometimes it is necessary to set limits and allow myself to stick to them.
On other days, receiving feedback is humbling. At the same time, it is the greatest gift I can receive as someone cared to see me without rose or dark-colored glasses. Gratefulness for such sharing moves the ability to change and opens up the door to an infinite game.
It makes life easier to know what day it is.