When leaders focus on how something should be they are looking at a version of reality that doesn’t yet exist.

It might then be an option to decide on a change that can be put in place that uses how something should be as an objective. But then the leader acknowledges that it isn’t as it should be and engages in creating that change. The notion of how it should be disappears in that moment and is replaced by a project chosen by the leader or the team.

If they don’t decide on change and stick to their idea of how things should be, they’ve decided to deny what is happening and try actively to not see or experience it.

It is a way of avoiding conflict but not discomfort.

It is a way to keep things as they are while hoping that others will change it.

Sometimes nothing can be done about it. But often it is about becoming clear as to what one wants and how it differs from how things should be.

Much can be done by learning to describe one’s emotions when things are not experienced as they should be. But little comes from the desire to feel differently and assuming that others can change one’s emotions.