In a recent session, Georgina shared how Phil had become a problem to the team. His harsh and unfriendly feedback was offending team members. However, Georgina had recruited Phil and wasn’t yet willing on giving him up. At the same time, she was angry seeing his behavior as inappropriate.

But she didn’t act. She coached team members to deal with the feedback they were receiving and found many ways to support her team. Nevertheless, they started to question her leadership.

The conversations started to focus on who had done what and how people were experiencing a sense of injustice. For them, something was being done to them. It’s what they were discussing.

Confronted with a team voicing their feelings, Georgina was wondering about herself and her role in this situation.

During our conversation, she explained that she wanted to avoid a conflict with the team. She was worried, that it would jeopardize their project. In her desire to succeed with the project, she focused on the work that needed to be done and pushed her feelings aside.

In a way, she had assumed, that she couldn’t do anything about her dilemma and that she would have to accept her feelings. It allowed her to avoid investigating the situation beyond her feelings. They were uncomfortable and well-known, but she stayed with that information.

Using the story she was telling herself regularly, she had a standard interpretation of her feelings.

She needed to take some time and let these feelings come forward without interpretation or restraint. She needed to find access to a place from where she could experience what was happening internally for herself. A different place than the usual one from which she was planning what she would be telling those she felt needed to understand how wrong they were.

After a while, she started to ask herself what she meant by her desire to avoid conflicts. When she had learned to avoid conflicts and how she had decided that they were dangerous to her. Once she had started to see what was happening internally for her, we moved on to question her assumption that the team wasn’t willing to support one another in this situation. It opened the door to ask herself what really was happening in her team.

She was learning that feelings are not the information. They are a piece of information that something may have to be investigated. While feelings may create discomfort, it isn’t the information to keep. It is an invitation to investigate the situation and assess what it means and how it transforms her willingness to lead her team.