“They should accept me as I am!”

Actually, that’s true.

What’s questionable though is what this means and allows. The boundary is between who one is and what one does.

Accepting someone as she is, means to accept the person as such. It doesn’t require to accept what she does. It doesn’t imply an understanding of what she does or says.

What someone does and how it is understood as well as accepted is defined in the relationship. It’s something all those involved do together.

And there is a step before this: engaging oneself in the relationship. Deciding to engage into the relationship comes along with a willingness to adapt to the others in the relationship. It’s reciprocal.

It’s where the wish to be “accepted as we are” often will be in our way. That’s because it limits our ability to accept the other as she is.

By making an effort to be understood and the same effort to understand the other, we find ways to engage in the relationship. The reciprocity of this effort is one that builds trust.

It’s true for as a person just as well as for a service.

You’ll find it much easier to decide to buy a service you understand than one you can’t penetrate.