The desire to do things right is one of the complicated mechanisms humans like to use.

What makes it complicated is, that it is linked to predict a result of an action they are planning.

Depending on the person’s intention, you’ll either notice a desire to make things perfectly or by pleasing. Take someone who is task-oriented, they want that task to be handled well, that is as perfect as possible. Those who put more weight on the relationship want the other to feel as best as possible and search for ways to please them.

It can work very well and lead to doing the right thing.

But it’s less probable when it involves mind-reading or assumptions of what the right thing is. In both of these cases, what is happening, is that the person acts on her own. She isn’t involving the other. She is using her mind-reading or her assumptions to define what is right.

Independently from the achieved result, it can be expected that it led to some friction. There is a gap between those receiving the result and those creating the result.

The person doing the work on her own stays with the doubt of having done the right thing. Those affected by the process stay with the frustration of a lack of involvement.

Both could have helped one another through the active involvement of the other. Either by seeking validation of one’s ideas and thoughts in the conversation or by reaching out for information to become able to understand the other’s perspective. Neither of these requires an in-depth review of the content. And yet, it adds to the richness of the decision making and contributes to making the achieved result a common one. May it have failed or succeeded.

In the end, doing the right thing is about involving the other.