The whole and its parts

The whole & its parts

Difficult conversations ahead

Sometimes, there is something uncomfortable happening. Someone brings up a subject we’d prefer to leave aside, there is an event that seems strange, someone is in an emotional state leaving us wondering what to do, or we did something that may have harmed someone but we don’t know.

In most cases, the immediate reaction is to push this sentiment away. To move on to the next thing. Or, to assume that it is not relevant.

Quite often, it works well. No one speaks up and after a while it is forgotten.

It teaches us the habit to push the uncomfortable away. It is an effort that makes us believe that we were right to dread that something bad might happen should we pay attention to the discomfort.

Once it has become a habit, the dread has become a full-time companion, however, an unconscious one. We’ve started to confuse our trepidations with our discomfort. While it seems that we’ve learned to push it away, we’ve actually pushed it into the subconscious where it continues to be active.

That’s why meditation often invites us to lean into the resistance we may experience instead of giving in to the resistance. However, leaning into the discomfort or resistance isn’t about overcoming it, it is about accepting its presence and becoming curious about its origin in the here and now.

This short pause is there to become aware of the options available. One of which is asking oneself what it is that we are resisting or finding uncomfortable.

Asking what has the potential to open the door to available options. It allows choosing an action.

Should you have preferred to ask why there is an evident answer in the here and now. It is the trepidation you experience. While soul searching may serve in the long term, it doesn’t help to know how to act in the moment.

It is to be expected that trepidations appear when a difficult conversation is looming on the horizon. And maybe, that’s what the trepidation is about, to tell us that it is time for this difficult conversation.



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