Looking at ourselves, we might assume that we know ourselves well. We’ll only see the things buried far away in our unconscious as what we don’t know. Everything else seems to be known and, in a sense, our experience is indeed knowledge. We have the experience of us, and we see the emotions and the thoughts as they appear to us. Looking closely, we’ll notice how this “experience” appears to us as a “whole”, maybe even as something indivisible. We know we can connect with it, but quite often, when asked, it becomes apparent that we can’t describe its details.

A way to look at knowing, in this context, is to describe it as being aware of.

I regularly experience how coachees asked to describe an experience will divert from describing their experience to describing what others did, were wrong about, or great at. Others may describe what they did but find it difficult to describe why they did what they did, what they felt, or what their thoughts were. Asking to describe things leads to an uncomfortable situation as people suddenly see themselves challenged and find themselves confused by their inability to untangle the experience. They don’t find the words that describe the experience. Whereas those who listen can’t imagine what is being described as the words they hear don’t create an accurate enough image. It is not only disassembling one’s own experience but also creating a new “whole” or image with words that speak to the other.

It’s normal. It requires practice.

It’s normal. It requires letting go of words like great, bad, exciting, devastating, or other containers regularly used as descriptions of the experience.

Going beyond what happened into the details of how they were experienced requires non-judgmental awareness, that is, some distance allowing us to observe ourselves. It requires letting go for a moment of identifying with what we did, thought, or felt.

Developing that practice, enabling ourselves to find words describing our experience, is a way to empower ourselves. Awareness is what enables that power. Judgments find themselves to be a two-edged sword. They are necessary to decide on our actions, but they can also be automatic to protect ourselves from risks we have experienced in the past. We have to cut through the noise of distractions and judgments. Awareness helps us see the information that we need to update our set of protections. It’s information that lets us decide what protections we still need today and those of the past we can let go of.