Whenever you seek to make a change happen, your starting point is acceptance.
By accepting the situation as it is in the here and now you give yourself the possibility to see it as is. It gives you the ability to see where change is possible and where it isn’t. Seeing the situation as is also allows to see how to change it.
If you stick to how the situation could have been or should have been, you are spending energy in the past or the future.
Once you see the situation as is you’ve given yourself the best possible starting point to make the change you seek to make happen.