People want to be liked. Being liked easily creates the sense of belonging and of being valued. The experience of being liked is heartwarming and excellent feedback for the relationship in question.

It makes it seem reasonable to pursue a mission of being liked. However, once that mission is accepted, it becomes quickly evident that it is mission impossible.

Being liked involves much more than simply doing the job one promised to do and being kind to everyone. It’s a choice that is out of one’s hands and only available to the other. Seeking to be liked comes with the risk of trying to make it right for everyone, avoiding discomfort, and finding oneself hesitant to say what needs to be said. A logical consequence is that decisions can’t be made under these terms.

Hoping to be liked is hoping for more than is accessible. Perceiving oneself to be liked by everyone requires living in a reality that allows for illusions.

A different approach is based on one’s willingness to appreciate everyone one meets. It’s an approach that serves to let people know that one’s intentions are benign and allow for an open conversation. It’s starting a conversation with the intention to offer a safe space. And it’s remaining true to this approach despite situations in which the content of the exchange may be uncomfortable.

The outcome might be, as one develops this approach, to find oneself welcomed by everyone.