We all learned to deal with our emotions in one way or another. If we don’t encounter a lot of emotions, we’ll even expect to be good at it.
It’s a solution that works.
However, not encountering a lot of emotions is also a sign of not being aware of one’s emotions. It may be that we learned to notice something uncomfortable appearing and simply push back on it.
It’s worth it to develop a strategy to become aware of what we do. Most of us will at least have one emotion we regularly push back on and project onto others.
One way to notice and learn to recognize emotions is to check in regularly with us and explore how the body feels. When doing so, small differences will appear as the body never feels exactly the same, among these differences, there will also be tensions here and there. These often correspond to emotions that have been blocked. Sensing into these tensions will become readable information as we practice.
Another way to become more acquainted with our emotions is to stay open to them when they appear. As Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor explains, it only takes 90 seconds for an emotion to pass through the body. Allowing oneself to notice the path it takes through the body, where it is felt, and how it changes as it moves is how one can become aware of one’s emotions.
This may be easier said than done. If we are used to pushing emotions back, it will be a reflex that we need to let go of. As we start to notice what is happening, it might feel threatening, confusing, or overwhelming. Judgment, that is, thoughts accompanying the emotion, might make it difficult to stay with simply noticing. The good news is that the ability to notice also slows our reaction down. We are busy noticing which will at least delay any outburst.
Noticing the feelings allows us to label the emotion. It becomes possible, for example, to name sadness (“I’m feeling sad”) without adding any judgment. The emotion is simply there; it’s neither bad nor good. Some practice might be necessary to become able to name more than basic emotions like sad, mad, afraid, glad, ashamed, guilty, or surprised. No reason to worry either if several emotions are present at the same time. But pick at least one.
Stay with the noticing, see it move through the body, and disappear. Maybe even see it appear. What is the path it takes?
Allow 90 seconds for the noticing. Don’t expect yourself to be able to do it anytime an emotion appears or for the full duration of its presence. Allow yourself to learn how it works.
