Sometimes people can only see their point of view.
Their view of reality is restricted by their ability to see the world only through one lens. This lens usually correlates with the story they tell themselves about life, others, and themselves.
In transactional analysis, we’ll call this lens the frame of reference. It provides the individual with “… an overall perceptual, conceptual, affective and action set, which is used to define the self, other people and the world …”[1]
This means for example, that someone who grew up in Canada will easily think about distances in hours, whereas someone in Europe will most certainly talk about distances in kilometers or miles. Someone who heard about himself that he can’t sing and decided to believe it, may then possibly get into the habit of singing so tentatively that he finds himself confirmed every time he sings happy birthday. And someone who observes a scene on a street may be focused on the number of expensive cars driving through it whereas someone else may be more focused on the shops present on that same street.
These are three examples out of many, where upbringing, beliefs, and experience influence the way people filter reality. And it’s necessary to develop some filters. They ease our ability to benefit from the given perspective and grasp the available information.
At the same time, it is limiting. Especially, when the given perspective is assumed to be complete.
It is a constant effort to question the available perspective to look beyond it. It works best in an environment in which people know that sharing their perspective is welcome, even more so when it is different.
This is different from having an opinion or trying to evaluate events. It is about sharing each other’s experiences and views to enrich one another with the many facets of reality available. It’s an exchange in which right or wrong doesn’t need to exist. Experience simply is.
Whenever it comes to personal experience this is often a game changer as it helps to let go of one’s sense of uniqueness and let oneself be guided into humility.
[1] Schiff et al., Cathexis reader, chapter 2. See also Mellor, K., and Sigmund, E., ‘Redefining’. TAJ, 5, 3, 1975, 303-11.
