Something I’ll observe quite often in teams is how unaware individuals are of the power being used. They are unaware of how the language they use, or the attitudes and behaviors they have are being perceived.

Remaining unaware of it often is a sign that they use automatic behaviors. They are in what is called a flight, fight, freeze mode. It’s a mode in which most of our thinking suddenly becomes focused on what is perceived as a danger or something that makes us anxious. The behavior, thinking, and senses that appear in such moments serve as way to protect ourselves. It usually is based on some of our earliest learnings.

We can sense it through the way we relate to others and see them as more or less powerful than ourselves. The perceived power and danger guide our behavior.

Such reactions can appear with the smallest details, out of the blue, and without anyone actually having the intention to use power over us. It is sufficient that one has the impression that it can happen or that one experienced it as such.

Our reactions will depend on our relationship with the power, how we perceive power in that moment as well as its intensity. We may hear a question as threatening or as curiosity. We may hear something that is meant as encouraging as an opinion imposed on us and experience our freedom to think as restricted. Movements, postures, and existing mimic can be understood as welcoming or as a lack of attention.

This experience of power is the result of an action and its interpretation coming together. It is a transaction in the sense that information was sent out, interpreted, and is being returned through this interpretation. It’s an experience that results from the relationship in which the transaction occurs. Which makes the existence of power unavoidable. Being used to it can make it invisible to those on the receiving end too.

When we fail to make ourselves aware of such impact, either on the receiving or sending end, we fail to see how our leadership is being received. We fail to see how the atmosphere of a team is being shaped by the power we use or find ourselves attributed.