It must be said that there is not much reason to like conflicts. But that doesn’t mean that they cannot be useful.

It is normal for people not to like conflicts. People will not particularly like uncertainty, and conflicts go beyond uncertainty as they allow for unpredictable results.

The difference leading to the conflict is an opportunity to create something new. However, considering a conflict its outcome is perceived as unpredictable, not only regarding the subject but also in its impact on the relationship.

That, to many, makes it undesirable to engage in a conflict.

What they may not realize is their ability to protect the relationship from the given conflict. It doesn’t transform the unpredictability of the outcome. But it enables those involved to distinguish between task and relationship, and thus to care for the latter.

Ways to contract on a conflict and the relationship can be:

To determine the context in which the conflict occurs, all those involved could be asked to focus on the task the conflict relates to and avoid becoming personal.

Or it can be to define a moment the conflict will begin and one when it will have to end. Within that period, nothing will be taken personally while those involved focus on their task.

There is more to it, but realizing what is at stake is a start.

A detail that is to be noted is that trying to avoid a conflict can only go that far. People only have a limited ability to please others, especially when it means to submit themselves to the relationship and perceived expectations.

Having done so too often, people find themselves eventually confronted with too high an emotional charge. One that may unload itself as thunder and at risk of destroying the relationship.