When ideas are moved out of context, they lose their usefulness. And that’s also true for the idea that the best way to treat others is to treat them like one would like to be treated. However, it doesn’t mean that the idea is wrong.

There are some social rules that a group adheres to. And beyond this, there are the necessities of the task that need to be considered.

A lot of the social rules go along with values, there one will for example find kindness and respect. Other social rules result from principles, like for example the expected behavior along hierarchical lines and all the expectations linked to politeness. Naturally, all of them will vary depending on the individuals involved, while following some common understanding.

In a given group, the idea of treating others like one would like to be treated provides the ground to establish the culture people adhere to.

A very different situation appears when it comes to working together while seeking to achieve a shared task. This is a situation in which people will trust their individual preferences to contribute to the work to be done. Confronted with other preferences they might not be able to understand the value of such differing preferences and judge others. There are all types of preferences. Widely known ones are the so-called left and right brain types of thinking, preferences in approach like detail and holistic modes of thinking, or those valuing the human aspect of the work and those focused on the process used to perform a task. These preferences impact the way people will seek to understand and influence the work as well as how they will come to a decision.

Whenever such differing preferences are present in a group, people will be offended and have a sense of not being seen whenever the way they are being treated doesn’t correspond to their preferred way. Thus, the setting is closer to wanting to treat others like they would want to be treated. However, this is not sustainable for anyone to do it exactly and always as the other would prefer it. It would mean letting go of one’s skill, talent, and competence. It thus becomes a work to find how the other prefers contributing. And once it is understood to provide the space within which their preference can become a contribution.