As a kid, my mother would sometimes tell me how beautiful something is. Quite often I couldn’t connect and see what she saw. I wondered for a long time what beautiful could be and if it was something to understand.

We constantly encounter social pressure or group pressure. It’s a natural behavior of a group to elect something to a norm. It is done to make it easier for members to know who the others in the group are, or who belongs to the group. Humans have a natural tendency to split the world into groups called “us” or “them.” It belongs to our survival instincts and helped our ancestors when they needed to quickly identify who could be trusted.

That the world changed since then has not been included in our evolution yet. The fight and flight instincts remain present and show in subtle details.

These instincts often will be in the way of our ability to be grateful. We easily focus on the “us” vs. “them” difference and try to align it with our needs. Often we ask ourselves way more questions than needed trying to make sure we’ve done things well. Being distracted by all of this, it becomes difficult to see what is there as it is. Many of the simple details we can be grateful for disappear in that confusion I experienced as a kid.

It takes practice to name what we are grateful for. It is independent of whatever social pressure there is or what others tell us is great. It is a story we have to develop for ourselves. One that locates us in our circumstances and invites us to experience how we belong and grow.