In a world where people are kind, where they are empathic, and where harmony is an objective, it seems difficult to integrate authority.

But maybe it’s, as so often, an unseen nuance that needs to be uncovered.

When people are involved, there is always a relationship that needs to be considered. It can be the relationship with oneself, others, or with life.

Being kind and empathic is a posture that describes one side of the relationship. Being kind and empathic is also an acknowledgement of an experience within the relationship. The first is an intention, the second is how this intention was received.

Whenever we forget the presence of the relationship and its experience, ideas of kindness and empathy transform into something absolute and moralizing that is taken out of its context. We forget that an intention needs to be translated into actions that can be received as intended.

Forgetting that our intention needs to become visible to be received is assuming that our behavior is what is right. It’s assuming that we have the authority to determine what kindness or empathy is.

And well, that’s exactly what we have: the authority to determine what kindness and empathy are for us and how we want to share these qualities.

That authority doesn’t need to be accepted by anyone else.

It can.

Authority exists in the relationship, too. There will be relationships within which your authority on being kind and empathic is welcome, others where it will be met with doubt or incredulity.

It is up to us to develop our authority and learn how our definitions of kindness and empathy may change depending on the situation. But it doesn’t mean that we have to give up on our definition when others disagree. It’s our choice if we are willing to live with its consequences.

I’ve taken kindness and empathy as examples to develop a perspective on authority. That concept applies to whatever idea one decides to stand up to.

The way people respond to it is how they respond to the authority we’ve chosen to display. If their response is one of becoming submissive or rebellious, chances are that they believe that we seek to have authority over them. If the response is more engagement in the relationship, chances are that the authority as conveyed is understood as one that is shared.

Is one of the approaches to authority better than the other? It depends.