When there is a problem, it’s easy to attribute it to others or to the situation.
The discussion Michael just had with his partner, is it because he has been stuck inside for too long or is it because she never listens?
The risk of such an approach is, that no one will step up to search for ways to solve the situation. And possibly, that everyone relies on others to intervene. It’s an open door to feel like a victim, the one no one helped or who couldn’t do anything about the situation.
It’s wise in such a situation to ask oneself a few questions.
- Do you really need an intervention coming from elsewhere?
- Did you use up all of your competence and capacity to contribute to solving the situation?
- If you want help, how do you ask for it?
- Who is it indicated to ask for help?
- Am I willing to at least say thank you to the person who’s help I’m asking for?
All of the questions are there to help you see how engaged you are in solving the problem and how you will contribute to it. Often, people give up before trying and don’t see their power to act. In other situations, people may believe they asked for help, but actually only implied that they need help forgetting to ask for it. Others may ask, but avoid asking the person who is in a position to help. Last but not least, asking for help without being willing to be grateful for the received support is an open door for new problems.