A while ago I shared my opinion with a friend. I’m not sure what it was, but he considered it to be feedback I was giving him.

It isn’t the first time that I’ve had such a reaction. There will be many reasons why this happens. One seems to me to misunderstand what feedback is. Another is the way authority is given to others. Another idea is that people might find it more appreciative to consider that they received feedback than to find themselves confronted with an opinion.

Feedback, in my understanding, is the opportunity given to someone else to share his perception or opinion concerning something I’ve said or done. To be able to give it, a safe space is required. In the case of feedback, it becomes accessible when the giver and receiver agree on the act of sharing feedback. But also, if they acknowledge that the feedback doesn’t need to be discussed. For a moment, it changes the relationship and gives authority to the feedback giver to share something one may not like to hear. The feedback is given assuming that the space allows for an invitation to the feedback receiver to reflect on himself. Such feedback is all about the person receiving the feedback.

What feedback doesn’t do is serve the needs of the feedback giver.

If one shares one’s opinion, the situation is different. It can serve all those involved in the relationship, there is no agreement for one party to listen and the other to talk, and no one establishes himself as an authority towards the other.

Naturally, the context may change some of these parameters. This is true for sharing opinions as well as feedback. Our understanding of the context and its impact on the situation will transform our appreciation of the relationship. It also changes how people react to the content as it is shared between those involved.

There is no right or wrong here. What works depends on the intention and how welcome it is.