People put a lot of effort into finding a way to express a no. They search for the right words, they search for the formulas they find the most polite, they try to hide the no within a long text of positive comments, etc.

They put in so much effort out of fear that the other person might not accept or not like the no they are announcing.

But in many cases, they are working on an impossible mission. Someone who wants something and doesn’t get it will always experience a bit of frustration. But they also know that it is a possibility.

By putting in so much effort in trying to soothe the other person, people give themselves a rest from their own feelings.

By not paying attention to their feeling they end up with a lack of alignment between the words they say, their emotions, and their actions. It is that tension that makes it difficult to say no in an easily audible and receivable fashion.