The word relationship has many colors and meanings. It is one of those words that one can feel more than explain.

In a given situation, we’ll know what the relationship is and what it describes. We’ll have an idea of how relevant it is, what is relevant about it, how we’d like to change it, what we appreciate about it, etc.

Talking about relationships in more general terms, the representation I’ll have of what relationship addresses will normally be positive and aspirational. Looking at the past I’ll be able to name some I’ve appreciated, and some I’d prefer not to repeat. Looking at the future I’ll usually have something in mind I’d want to create or change in that relationship. Most of the time, what I’ll be thinking about in these situations is my relationship with others.

But actually, this is only a small part of the relationships I’m engaged with. There is also the relationship with myself and with events.

Both of which will often be hidden in the stories we tell ourselves.

The way we treat ourselves will be out of sight as it has become habitual to hear ourselves treat us differently than we’d treat friends or enemies. The way we react to events, on the other hand, will have become so habitual that we’ve started to assume that it is how things are and that we are subject to it with little or no ability to change it.

Consider for example the way we treat failure. Many treat it as something one needs to be ashamed of or as something inadmissible. If that’s how you see it, could you imagine another option?