A relationship is defined by its perception.

The same action can be understood as someone doing something to get something as well as someone being present to the relationship.

How it is understood depends on who assesses the situation.

I remember a conversation with a colleague during which he regularly came to say that the person organization we were talking about was doing what they were doing to scale their earnings. He was focusing on what they were doing to serve themselves. It didn’t seem to matter that other objectives could also be imagined. The simple idea that they were making sure they would stay in business didn’t seem imaginable to him either.

The way he perceived these relationships was based on seeing one entity getting more out of the relationship than the other. His focus was on the transactional aspects of the relationship.

There didn’t seem to be a space to see what he was getting out of these organizations or people being present and accessible to him. Nor did it seem possible to imagine that these organizations were providing value to others.

The sad thing in such a situation is, that there is a lack of trust in the possibilities of the relationship. It keeps distrust alive and makes it hard to genuinely receive.

Paradoxically it transforms whatever relationship into a transactional one as it establishes a barrier between those involved in the relationship. There is not enough contact between those involved to be able to sense existing mutual trust.