Many know people who talk about having a coffee together but never follow up on it.

There are cultures where this is normal. Either you need to wait for the address to be given to you to know that you are invited, or it is the number of times you are being told that lets you know you are really invited.

Different cultures and frames of reference lead to misunderstandings due to individual expectations.

But it seems that there is more to it than different cultures where the assumed behavior would be codified.

But it is hard to determine what it is.

The anxiety to be too demanding, and thus the hope that the other takes the responsibility to do the follow-up.

The desire to be wanted, and thus becoming attached to waiting for someone else to organize the meeting.

The sense of frustration to always be the one following up on the plan.

The desire to tell the other how enjoyable his company is.

The hope that the other person’s invitation is a promise they will follow up on.

In essence, what happens is that neither responsibilities nor expectations have been discussed. And as long as it doesn’t happen, all those involved can wait for the others to act.

The reason doesn’t matter. Let’s have coffee is a perfect way to set up expectations and wait for others to fulfill them. It’s an opportunity to assume one is not in charge and to believe that one already did enough.

An entirely different point of view might be the assumption that meetings serve a result and that without a clear action point, there is no point in exchanging. It’s missing out on the fact, that we sometimes need other people to determine what is relevant to us in a given situation or to experience having a bond.