During a recent team coaching, the team I was working with struggled to find ways to establish a constructive dialogue.

Whenever they shared ideas they didn’t seem to connect the four of them nor to contribute to what seemed to be their common project. It became clear that they were discussing their tasks as if they were to be independent and had no visible connection.

It was clear that they wanted to do something for the good of the whole organization. However, they lacked clarity on how this would happen. Their focus remained within the scope of tasks they were able to understand and imagine. They had too little information on what the other teams were doing. It appeared, that much of that resulted from their lack of sense of belonging.

It was as if they were mainly employed by the organization not able to contribute to it. And yet, they were very much concerned about the teams they were leading and felt comfortable in being close to them. Their relationship was one of caring for the others in the room. It showed in the way they sometimes tried to reassure me how well they all went along. Instead of sharing difficulties, they were hiding them, as if problems were not allowed.

Asking them which team they belonged to shifted their thinking. The answer was easiest for the boss and the team member who doesn’t have a clear team responsibility. The two others saw the relevance of the question but took more time to answer.

They all could see that the people in the room were their team. But they needed to see that stepping into this team, wasn’t disrupting their relationship with those they were leading.

When they could see that becoming part of the leadership team meant having a space in which they would be able to struggle together, things softened. After realizing that the teams they were leading were the ones they were responsible for, the way they related to one another shifted.