Marc was listening attentively. We had been discussing the drama triangle and were talking about the roles he might be taking up. In a way, our conversation was intimate. That is, the setting of our conversation enabled Marc to feel safe enough to allow himself some vulnerability. In this case, it was enabling him to see himself being triggered to take up roles while not judging himself for doing so. It’s a challenging situation, that is one in which it is easy to feel guilty or ashamed and one that does require one to see one’s behavior without giving in to shame or guilt.

What Marc was able to do in our conversation, was to adapt his perception to the safety he was experiencing. He was focusing on the learning he wanted to take away from the work we were doing. It allowed him to put his instinctive reactions aside and reflect on what these could be.

Whenever such work is possible, I can only be grateful. I may be able to create circumstances enabling such openness or vulnerability, but I can’t make anyone take it up. It is their choice. And they can deal with their perception of the situation, others, or themselves.

In the long term, the hard work is to allow oneself to question one’s perception instead of letting it lead one’s reactions.