A few days ago, I had an interesting conversation with a young student. She was describing an idea and trying to persuade me of the correctness of her idea. As the conversation unfolded, she focused more and more on persuading me. Which also meant that she took less and less time to listen.

To a certain extent, I was reminded of my teenage years when I often found myself in deep conversations and lost in arguments.

What I wasn’t aware of then was what I was looking for.

I believed that I needed to be right and needed others to agree with whatever it was I had figured out. Being right is how I had seen others succeed and persuade others. I tried to copy that model.

Today, I can see a different option which is closer to what I want.

What I’m looking for in many situations, instead of being right, is solidarity.

There are many situations in life when we take an uncomfortable position. We have an idea, a project, or a dream, and want to know how others think about it.

Finding someone else who is willing to listen to our point of view and is willing to take that position for a moment to see things from there. Experiencing someone willing to let go of his ideas to become aware of how other people can have a reason to think differently; someone who is willing to see value in such reasoning.

That’s having found someone who can be solidary with us. It’s someone who accepts our ideas without needing to put in their own instead.

It’s something that comes with reciprocity. If I can’t accept their idea and be solidary with them, I won’t be able to help them see my position.