The whole and its parts

The whole & its parts

When the help isn’t help

It’s a generous act to help others.

And it’s a lot more.

Being able to help brings joy and pleasure. You could call it the best anti-depressant, even more so nowadays. It also helps you feel rich internally.

Helping serves the person being helped as well as yourself.

When it feels like that you can be quite sure that your help was well received. That is was a mutual experience.

Things will be slightly different if the help you gave had not been asked for. Or, when the help shared was more than the other person wanted.

In such a situation the help the person is giving has more than one intent. Beyond the generous desire to help, their need for recognition or safety has become active.

The generous act of helping might have transformed itself into the pride that others come to you which offers a recognition that serves the ego. Fearing to depend on others, can trigger the need for safety and establish the desire to turn the situation around. Which leads to either make sure that the other will feel accountable to give back or becomes dependent on oneself.

Take for example a situation in which in a team, someone avoids sharing all the information she has, simply to make sure that the others have to come back to her. Or the teammate that will continuously offer to do something for others instead of helping them to learn how to do it by themselves.

It helps to make sure, that your help has been asked for.

Once you helped, did you get a thank you? Can you welcome it?


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