Throughout one’s life, it is normal that we’ll find ourselves hurt by the words or actions of others. It happens. Rare is the individual who hasn’t happened to hurt others by their words or actions.

We know how it happens. We know how it feels.

There are times when these feelings can dissolve through understanding how it happened, noticing how one’s perception of the situation was incomplete, or being able to process the experience and uncover respective motivations with the other person.

On other occasions, this isn’t possible, may it be because the other person isn’t available to discuss the situation, or because one finds it impossible to step into such a conversation with the other person.

It’s when the possibility to embrace forgiveness appears. But, often, also when it is rejected.

It’s a choice.

Rejecting forgiveness means holding on to a grudge, to the pain of having been hurt, to feelings of having been wronged. Holding on to such feelings also means giving the person who harmed us or the situation in which it happened control over us.

Forgiveness is letting go of resentment and anger. Forgiveness reduces the grip of the act on us.

In many cases, forgiveness is hard work. However, practicing forgiveness makes it easier.

To be able to do the work of forgiveness, it is relevant to consider what forgiveness isn’t. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, nor excusing it. Forgiveness doesn’t require us to stay in contact with that person or to become friends with them. And it certainly doesn’t mean to like what happened. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that the other person has to change or can only be forgiven if they change.

In essence, forgiveness is something one does for oneself. It serves us by releasing the energy held by that person or that act and spending it on coming back to the existing pain, resentment, or anger. It also serves us by allowing us to be more at peace with the relationship, especially when there is an ongoing need to connect regularly.