In a recent conversation, a friend was shocked to hear the sentence “people are selfish”. He wasn’t sure how to align such a statement with his ideal about people. To him, this statement felt like a judgment.

In our culture, selfish has become a somewhat “forbidden state”. If one describes another person as selfish, the common understanding will be, that this person has inappropriate behavior. The same will happen if we share that a person is provocative or for example judgmental.

Such words have come to be understood with an evaluating connotation. With the result, that people are being judged based on words. As this creates social pressure, people will seek to avoid these behaviors.

We have many words in our language that can be used for a wide range of descriptions. It has a scale going from appropriate to inappropriate behavior.

If we don’t have people who are able to think and care for themselves, that is know how to also be selfish. If we don’t have people who are capable to invite others to think in a new way, capable to use a well thought and caring provocation. If we don’t have anyone sharing an opinion, being capable to share her sound judgment on a situation. Then, we’ll run out of people capable of making assertions and decisions. We’ll lose out on people deciding to become a leader in a way others would be proud to follow.