Whenever there is some kind of pressure within the team, there is a good chance, that people will favor arguments over curiosity.

Curiosity always comes with the ability to not know. The desire to know is the source of the questions being asked. Being curious, thus comes with the risk to be perceived as someone who doesn’t know.

Whereas pressure likely will signal that the ability to perform and bring results is the expected behavior. While pressure doesn’t need to be opposed to curiosity, it remains an invitation to show up as someone strong and able to resist pressure.

The shortcut to achieving this is to find a way to be superior to others. Winning an argument, seeing one’s position as the better one, and deciding on a position are all means used to enter into a competition for superiority with others.

At the heart of it, is the anxiety to lose control and show vulnerability.

This doesn’t contradict the fact that it is useful to have a debate whenever there is a decision at stake that the people involved need to make. But those discussions are focused on a task, eventually, the task to decide. These discussions may be heated and full of energy. What they are not, is about the person.

It is worth noting, that arguments often will seem to be related to a task. It is our emotional reaction that will help assess if it is. But beware, that discomfort can also result from our anxieties and are not necessarily the other person’s effort to dominate the situation.