Some conversations are treasure troves. They are the ones you’d like to have recorded afterward. And yet, I suspect that what makes them such treasure troves is in the process. It’s a moment in time where two people connect in such a way that the sense of connection allows understanding to emerge reinforcing the connection.

I also suspect that it keeps the gems of such conversations more accessible. That’s the happy news, that not all learning is hard-earned and based on frustration.

The easiest way to come to an opinion is to use existing stereotypes, biases, or preconceived ideas. The problem is, that these opinions are not well thought through and thus often become a matter of debate.

It helps to take a deep breath and step away from having an immediate reaction. However, the path then entered is slightly more difficult. It requires to weight ideas, arguments, as well as considering opposing positions. It also means to accept that it will not be possible to assess all the impacting parameters. Coming to a conclusion establishing if something is right or if it is wrong may feel to be impossible.

That’s when it’s time to replace the existing question with a different one.

A useful one in a coaching setting is: “Does it help? Or does it hurt?”

Finding an answer might not be much easier. But it allows to use the professional relationship and thus the people involved as the container within which to find an answer. Suddenly, there can be two working on the answer.