People tend to compare themselves with others.

Whenever the conversations remain of a more general nature, comparing becomes the way people relate to others. It becomes a relationship that is about status. Not always though, as a quest to reach a higher status, sometimes it becomes the desire to be perceived as being similar.

Both approaches may be understood as a search for safety.

The question people in the team ask themselves then, is how they can either experience a sense of belonging or make sure they may stay a member of the team. The interesting detail here is, that both situations are about having similar behavior. Team membership relies on adhering to the culture of the group. Either all team members believe that they must be the best at something and thus seek a high status in the group. Or all team members assume that similarity is what allows them to be a member of the team.

The work of a leader then consists in figuring out how to assist individual members in being different. In helping them see how their differences are a criterion of belonging. And in helping them see, that it isn’t about being different.

The paradox of belonging is that it is about being able to stay different in belonging.