It always astonishes me when people state that something isn’t acceptable. Usually, they do it once something has happened.

It’s a reaction to their helplessness to prevent something from happening that goes against their rules. It’s a reaction to their surprise as well as their inability to know how to respond to the situation.

The objective of such a reaction is to create shame or guilt. What happened can’t be prevented, but the hope is that it will not happen again.

At the same time, the person is setting herself up as the one who knows and establishes the rules. It’s an effort to exercise power and be experienced as an authority. One that comes with the ambiguity of having failed.