The difference between “being grateful” and considering gratitude as a skill lies in the possibility of developing it instead. Whenever one assumes that one has to be grateful it is at risk of not being able to be grateful, generating a sense of having failed. Seeing gratitude as a skill allows one to ask oneself what one may be grateful for in a given situation. If one can’t there is a possibility that we have not yet learned to see it in such a situation.

Learning to be grateful implies looking at three different situations, the ones in the past, the ones in the future, and the ones in the now.

Whatever one is grateful for from the past is something we continue to carry and have integrated into who we are now. Despite being grateful for it in a given moment, our learning in the moment may transform our sense of gratefulness. This is true for events we liked and those we didn’t appreciate. Considering them and learning from them is a way to become more attuned to what we find ourselves grateful for.

We may be grateful for something to come, however, as it implies waiting and not knowing the future, disappointments may arise. Especially if we are attached to such an event to come. For a golfer, a typical event they may be waiting for is a good shot. This implies that in the moment of creating the shot, they cannot feel well and feel anxious.

Being grateful in the moment most often will be about small things. For a golfer it can be the opportunity to be on a golf course, to be practicing, to appreciate the weather or the flight one is playing with. It can also be an opportunity to learn to know a new course or to become curious about how one’s shots come about. Being grateful in such moments is a way to connect with one’s experience and create some well-being in the moment. If you aren’t a golfer, what situation can you use to learn the skill of gratefulness?

And, a hint, comparing oneself to others may seem to be a way to experience gratitude. But do pay attention to what it is that you may want to silence with such being grateful.

It’s enough to notice what it is you are grateful for in that moment. Doing so requires practice.